Another Great honest piece! Love the letting go of balloons image. And recollections from the dressing rooms.
My two cents? Wait till you get into your sixties or / and illness is visited upon you…. I mean, NO fucks given. It’s liberating in spite of feeling and often looking like shit. We women must stop catering to societal / cultural / media demands and to men who have largely promulgated such hideous ideals since forever— remember the tiny deformed stub of Chinese women’s feet leaving women pained and utterly helpless to mobilize therefore dependent upon men…. Or the whale bone corsets… the cruel misogynistic patriarchal system with its f’d up rewards and punishments associated with not being beautiful. To hell with all that.
"It was the walk of a woman on display and it brought forth an emotional memory, too: of being a young woman with an identity just barely developed. Someone who wanted to be seen while trying to make sure it didn’t seem like she wanted to be seen.
Then I exhaled, rooting myself back in my 40-something body. Just the memory of being that young was exhausting."
RIGHT? That thing we did - that we almost had to do as products of this era - it was exhausting. It was soul-sucking. And there's been this freedom in seeing that I did it, and understanding the whys/hows of it all. Your Longform essay really named so many aspects I hadn't quite landed on. I honestly love aging for this, I love how we all are helping one another along, finding words for things our mothers' generation probably never could speak or even understand in their 30s and 40s.
When I was 17 I witnessed a 70ish year old woman naked on a deserted beach in France sunbathing. When she noticed our approach she didn’t cover herself or move to hide in any way. I carry her around in my mind a lot. — Thank you for this piece — as a 30 year old new Mom I needed to read so much of this!
A well-told and insightful piece, Joanna! I remember your phase of life, when I was transitioning out of youthful hotness into a more mature body and mind. It was a thorny transition. I'm 15 years ahead of you, and I'm grateful for my 60-year-old body. I've fully embraced the "I don't give a fuck" stage, which I can't recommend highly enough!
Thank you for this. A couple of days ago, a friend posted something online about aging, and dozens of women posted photos of themselves talking about how much younger they look than their age. It struck me as ageist, and made me uncomfortable, but I couldn't exactly identify why. This helps.
Amazing. Relatable and reminds me of that piece I did for GMP when I was in my own 40s about ruined bodies (remember the “ruined tits” column it was in reaction to). I’m almost 54 it seems like I care less and less who thinks I’m ruined. It’s a good thing
We all look our age. The rest is biological determinism, a should of how, body virtue whatever, pride in conformity, a category mistake, towering misogyny in the form of false comfort no one has ever been comforted by.
I'm so happy I found you and your work. I was talking to friends today about a Carl Jung idea that we don't solve problems but outgrow them, and I applied it to wanting to always look 25 (I am 42)/being outward appearance-focused. I don't think I can solve my desire to look younger, but I think I can transcend/outgrow it.
What a beautiful piece! As a woman in her mid-twenties, so much of this resonated with me. Trying to fit the beauty ideal is more about the idea of forcing women to submit to punishment and deprivation than to the idea that the beauty ideal is actually something attainable. Thank you for reminding us not to give a fuck.
So glad this piece bubbled to the top in Notes so I could find it at this late date. I loved it. Thank you. A while back I read somewhere, "when I was a child, I didn't HAVE a body. I WAS a body." And I keep coming back to that over and over again. This 54 year old body that birthed two kids, and saw my mom gently into her death, that carries me around every day with strength and skill, it's not something I need to manage, it's not something separate from me. It's ME! I am this body. Somehow when I remind myself of this, I feel so much more acceptance and tenderness for those rolls and scars and disappearing eyebrows. Thanks so much. This was a lovely read and just what I needed.
I needed this piece. Had me in tears. Letting go of the balloons is such a great image and instruction. I feel better knowing you exist and that there are so many of us grappling with the same inherited shit. The more we say these things out loud and write them down for others to see, the more balloons we’ll be able to release, right?
I have had lines on my forehead since I was 14- my mom said it was because I spent so much time rolling my eyes- I turn 37 yo in a few days and my husband is 42- it occurred to me he never worries about his 11s- he likes looking stern! He says it goes with his soccer coach tough love persona. I rarely wear much makeup now compared to my 20s- it was exhausting indeed.
Another Great honest piece! Love the letting go of balloons image. And recollections from the dressing rooms.
My two cents? Wait till you get into your sixties or / and illness is visited upon you…. I mean, NO fucks given. It’s liberating in spite of feeling and often looking like shit. We women must stop catering to societal / cultural / media demands and to men who have largely promulgated such hideous ideals since forever— remember the tiny deformed stub of Chinese women’s feet leaving women pained and utterly helpless to mobilize therefore dependent upon men…. Or the whale bone corsets… the cruel misogynistic patriarchal system with its f’d up rewards and punishments associated with not being beautiful. To hell with all that.
THIS IS IT:
"It was the walk of a woman on display and it brought forth an emotional memory, too: of being a young woman with an identity just barely developed. Someone who wanted to be seen while trying to make sure it didn’t seem like she wanted to be seen.
Then I exhaled, rooting myself back in my 40-something body. Just the memory of being that young was exhausting."
RIGHT? That thing we did - that we almost had to do as products of this era - it was exhausting. It was soul-sucking. And there's been this freedom in seeing that I did it, and understanding the whys/hows of it all. Your Longform essay really named so many aspects I hadn't quite landed on. I honestly love aging for this, I love how we all are helping one another along, finding words for things our mothers' generation probably never could speak or even understand in their 30s and 40s.
When I was 17 I witnessed a 70ish year old woman naked on a deserted beach in France sunbathing. When she noticed our approach she didn’t cover herself or move to hide in any way. I carry her around in my mind a lot. — Thank you for this piece — as a 30 year old new Mom I needed to read so much of this!
A well-told and insightful piece, Joanna! I remember your phase of life, when I was transitioning out of youthful hotness into a more mature body and mind. It was a thorny transition. I'm 15 years ahead of you, and I'm grateful for my 60-year-old body. I've fully embraced the "I don't give a fuck" stage, which I can't recommend highly enough!
Thank you for this. A couple of days ago, a friend posted something online about aging, and dozens of women posted photos of themselves talking about how much younger they look than their age. It struck me as ageist, and made me uncomfortable, but I couldn't exactly identify why. This helps.
Zawn, I would love to read an essay about this if you wrote one! I feel this so deeply.
The comment 'you don't look your age' drives me bonkers. I do look my age. I look all of my glorious 57 years. THIS is what it looks like.
I LOVE looking my age!
Amazing. Relatable and reminds me of that piece I did for GMP when I was in my own 40s about ruined bodies (remember the “ruined tits” column it was in reaction to). I’m almost 54 it seems like I care less and less who thinks I’m ruined. It’s a good thing
We all look our age. The rest is biological determinism, a should of how, body virtue whatever, pride in conformity, a category mistake, towering misogyny in the form of false comfort no one has ever been comforted by.
FWIW I am a fan of a badass scowl!
I love being this age and just being able to live into these women we can be
I'm so happy I found you and your work. I was talking to friends today about a Carl Jung idea that we don't solve problems but outgrow them, and I applied it to wanting to always look 25 (I am 42)/being outward appearance-focused. I don't think I can solve my desire to look younger, but I think I can transcend/outgrow it.
I love this!
I love this article!!! Thank you Joanna!! 👏👏👏
What a beautiful piece! As a woman in her mid-twenties, so much of this resonated with me. Trying to fit the beauty ideal is more about the idea of forcing women to submit to punishment and deprivation than to the idea that the beauty ideal is actually something attainable. Thank you for reminding us not to give a fuck.
Thank you for this! I'm hoping that this all changes a bit, and there are more options for you as you age and become my age.
The beauty ideal can be down right dangerous in the wrong insecure hands of a twenty something 💜♾️
90% of what I write is gen x nostaliga
Yes, me too. There's a post on here about Manic Pixie Dream Girls you'd prob like.
So glad this piece bubbled to the top in Notes so I could find it at this late date. I loved it. Thank you. A while back I read somewhere, "when I was a child, I didn't HAVE a body. I WAS a body." And I keep coming back to that over and over again. This 54 year old body that birthed two kids, and saw my mom gently into her death, that carries me around every day with strength and skill, it's not something I need to manage, it's not something separate from me. It's ME! I am this body. Somehow when I remind myself of this, I feel so much more acceptance and tenderness for those rolls and scars and disappearing eyebrows. Thanks so much. This was a lovely read and just what I needed.
I really needed this one today. Read it at the gym. Thank you.
I needed this piece. Had me in tears. Letting go of the balloons is such a great image and instruction. I feel better knowing you exist and that there are so many of us grappling with the same inherited shit. The more we say these things out loud and write them down for others to see, the more balloons we’ll be able to release, right?
I have had lines on my forehead since I was 14- my mom said it was because I spent so much time rolling my eyes- I turn 37 yo in a few days and my husband is 42- it occurred to me he never worries about his 11s- he likes looking stern! He says it goes with his soccer coach tough love persona. I rarely wear much makeup now compared to my 20s- it was exhausting indeed.