I'm still in search of "appropriate ways to express anger". I'll have to write a longer version of what I mean by that some time, but in short, I can't remember ever seeing or hearing examples that sound to me like actual expressions of anger. Rather, they are ways to diminish the anger until it passes (like breathing and counting), or otherwise behave as if you're not angry, because expressing anger directly is bad. Anger advice inevitably comes off (to me) as advice on how not to express anger, rather than that elusive wisdom about how to express actual anger...appropriately.
I hope you don't mind me commenting. Growing up on the reservation, fistfights were very common. And the rule was "The first one to cry loses." Reading this post has me looking at that rule in a new way. That violence was expected, even codified, but there was also an expected emotional response by both combatants. Somebody was going to cry. Maybe both fighters would cry. But the second one to cry didn't lose because he cried. I'm just now pondering the meaning of this. We certainly didn't have the words for it in our childhoods but we Indian boys understood that violence has emotional repercussions and that those emotions would be publicly expressed.
I love this post, Joanna. Our boys need protection and concern too.
Great piece!
I'm still in search of "appropriate ways to express anger". I'll have to write a longer version of what I mean by that some time, but in short, I can't remember ever seeing or hearing examples that sound to me like actual expressions of anger. Rather, they are ways to diminish the anger until it passes (like breathing and counting), or otherwise behave as if you're not angry, because expressing anger directly is bad. Anger advice inevitably comes off (to me) as advice on how not to express anger, rather than that elusive wisdom about how to express actual anger...appropriately.
I hope you don't mind me commenting. Growing up on the reservation, fistfights were very common. And the rule was "The first one to cry loses." Reading this post has me looking at that rule in a new way. That violence was expected, even codified, but there was also an expected emotional response by both combatants. Somebody was going to cry. Maybe both fighters would cry. But the second one to cry didn't lose because he cried. I'm just now pondering the meaning of this. We certainly didn't have the words for it in our childhoods but we Indian boys understood that violence has emotional repercussions and that those emotions would be publicly expressed.