Gone One Year
Where would I be without you?
I have like five hundred things to tell you that only you'd understand. Things I need your opinion on, that I know you would be honest with me about. Stupid stuff, too, and questions. Things only you'd know. I have a story I can't wait to tell you ... someday. Though maybe you already know it.
I try not to focus on the sad stuff and just be glad that we had you. Glad that, in 2003, you replaced the cheater's name with "f**kface" in my phone so I wouldn't call him even though we all knew I would. ("Nanners, he's not even cute!!") That you shared one of your cigarettes with me one night in September, neither of us knowing it would be my last — because I found out I was pregnant with Izac a few hours later. That you nudged me toward Ivan "He's totally vibing you!!" That you went to court with me that time to get the TRO against the stalker. That you let me change Scarlet's first poopy diaper when you became a mom, and that you invited me out to clubs when we were young even though I kept showing up in sneakers and sweaters while you guys wore miniskirts.
That you forgave me for not wanting to date the Greek guy who brought us pastries at work every Sunday morning until I told him I didn't like him that way. That you forgave me for the time I made you talk to that angry lady at work who spit on you while I hid behind a pillar. Lol I'm sorry I'm still laughing, I know it was not funny. And also for all the times I made you climb ladders for me when I was pregnant at work. Yes, I agree that was stupid, but what did I know?? Oh, and for the time I barfed at your house and made you and the guy you were supposed to be on a date with go get me a Snickers. And I forgive you for signing me up to sing a duet with DJ Ballz at Del's Saloon and for making fun of my shoes and the way I'd slap the bar when a good song came on or how goofy I was about Josh and that I better play it cool "because this is just embarrassing, Nans."
And thank you for loving my dog and my kids as much as I did, almost, and for letting me be so different from you — you with your bright light and me with my scowls and too much analyzing — and showing up for me anyway, all the time. Thank you for helping me fix that toilet at Del's even though we broke it worse and it sprayed (clean) water all over us. Thank you for being the only person who would've helped me (try to) fix a broken toilet. Thank you for naming me Nanners and teaching me a million Misti-isms. Where would I be without "fluffy and muffty" and smoogies and "Nanners do not even staarrrrt with me right now!"
Where would I be without you all those years?
