8 Small Joys From This Week
Birthday gifts, a lacy bra, Elon Musk's post-explosion Twitter explosion and more
Welcome to my list for the week. It’s got some very long entries so I’m going to just dive right in.
1. My daughter ended up not hating her birthday party
Yesterday we held my daughter’s birthday party at her preschool.
The school as a venue was offered as a silent auction item at a fundraiser; they’d do the set-up, order pizza and cupcakes, and do all the clean-up. Say no more, this is a dream.
My daughter did not feel the same.
“So, my birthday party is at school?” she asked.
“Yes! Isn’t that cool? It’ll be so fun to have all your friends there!”
Her bottom lip quivered.
“You’re not going to be at my birthday party!??” she wailed. “You’re just going to drop me off at school and I have to do my party there?!”
As hard as I tried to explain that it was a party at school but wasn’t actually school, it simply didn’t make sense. She asked twenty times, “But are you coming to my birthday party, Mom?”
Luckily, when her dad and I, along with one of her brothers, a cousin, an uncle, two grandmas and all her friends and their parents showed up at her school and stayed for her party she realized it was actually kind of great.
Favorite gift award goes to my friend Loni (famous for “socks over leggings” from my favorite things list a while back) and her son, who gave my daughter a tie-dye kit that she loves so much she SCREAMED when she opened it and then put in her bed so she could sleep next to it that night.
2. Rachel McAdams debuted unshaven underarms
In a lovely editorial spread for Bustle, actress Rachel McAdams (The Notebook, About Time and the new series Are You There God, It’s Me, Margaret) let the world see the gorgeousness of her underarms, hair and all.
This was a big moment for those of us who have been parading our pits au natural for years. While it’s not rare to let your underarm hair grow, it is rare to see famous mainstream beauties showing theirs with pride.
I loved every second of it.
Of course there were weirdo men who felt it was important to let the world know that they think it’s disgusting, as if Rachel McAdams (or any of the rest of us) were going to cry over the opinions of men who feel the need to call any woman’s body disgusting. I did a tweet thread about what guys actually think of hairy armpits, but it’s not Newsletter content because I need to pretend to be professional here.
McAdams also asked for this photoshoot to only be minimally retouched, saying that her body after having kids deserves to be seen how it is. I love this.
3. I lost my “legacy” blue check verification on Twitter
Yes, this seems like a bad thing — and I was sad. But there is an up-side which will be detailed in the next point.
I worked hard to build the career that allowed me to earn my blue check, and it was symbolic of my willingness to put my real name on my opinions and my work. While there are some upsides to this sort of mild notoriety, there are a lot of downsides, too. You can’t be flippant or glib. You have to measure your words and level only opinions you would fight for.
In order to get that blue check, I had to show my ID and prove my journalistic cred. I sent my early articles in Redbook, Time, Esquire, BuzzFeed and Huffington Post. I had to explain why it would be bad for the public if someone impersonated me.
When it was granted, I was so excited I almost cried. We shouldn’t need external confirmation our worth, but it sure feels good to get it sometimes.
4. Elon Musk picked Twitter fights with LeBron & a famous sh*tposter named Dril
As mentioned above, one day all the legacy blue-checks were suddenly just regular old Twitter users. The only way to solve the problem was to buy a blue check for $8/month. Most of us declined.
Some people made a big point to say they wouldn’t be paying for that little blue emoji, including many noteworthy folks — celebs famous only on Twitter and actual famous people with more than 1 million followers, including LeBron James.
What transpired afterward has been nothing short of surreal.
While I’m sure he didn’t care that my friends Dani Paradis and Aja Barber and I weren’t going to fork over our hard-earned latte money, I’m guessing it felt wrong to have LeBron going around without a blue check. After all, the whole point of a verified account, in its infancy, was to prove that you were looking at the account of the actual celebrity, journalist, influencer or whatever other person of import you were interested in.
So Musk et al gave LeBron a blue check that he didn’t want.
Then he did it to Stephen King and William Shatner.
King and James were both like, I did not buy this emoji and Musk was like, it was a gift. King and James were like thanks, but no.
Next thing we knew, lots of famous people had blue checks bestowed upon them by Musk et al. This time they were Anthony Bourdain, Kobe Bryant, Norm McDonald, Chadwick Boseman and Chris Cornell among others.
The explanation of why a blue check appears on these accounts is the weirdest part: This account is verified because they are subscribed to Twitter Blue and verified their phone number.
In other words, they subscribed to a service that had not yet been invented when they were alive.
Then things got weirder.
First, allow me to explain what a sh*tpost is, according to Urban Dictionary, because it does matter here:
SHITPOST:
A post of little to no sincere insightful substance. Especially a "shit"(low)-effort/quality-post with the sole purpose to confuse, provoke, entertain or otherwise evoke an unproductive reaction. Often exemplified in surreal out-of-context posts.
Shitposts can be many things including memes, spam, and bait - but rarely vice-versa.
Unlike memes, shitposts have no template.
Unlike spam, shitposts don't need repetition.
Unlike bait, shitposts aren't designed for response.Why does this image of a possum with a gun say "triangle"?
You wouldn't get it. It's just a shitpost.
One of the most popular/famous sh*tposters is a user called Dril.
After Dril complained about this pay-for-verification system and basically said you’d have to be a weenie to pay for Twitter Blue, Musk et al gave Dril his blue check back without saying a word. He went on to do the same to other noteworthy non-famous critics of Twitter Blue.
Dril then changed his username so the check would disappear (a safety measure created by Jack, so Twitter can verify you haven’t been hacked).
Musk et al then gave the blue check to Dril’s new name.
So Dril changed his name again.
And Musk et al gave him the check again.
All of this in one night.
This went on and on and on.
Follow Dril trying to get his original name back here by pretending to flatter Musk. I would embed it, but apparently Musk et al started a fight with Substack and now we can’t embed Tweets which is ……… also strange.
I don’t know where this saga ends, but watching a public pissing contest between a professional sh*tposter and a guy who accidentally exploded $13,000,000,000 (literally) starship just a few days earlier made a great weekend for us dorks.
5. This gorgeous lacy bra
It’s rare to find a lacy bra that is relatively supportive and extremely pretty and not structured to high hell. This one by Simone Perele is gorgeous and can handle bigger boobs despite its simplicity.
It’s not cheap (sorry) but if you take great care of it, it should last years. I have now accumulated three of them by asking for them for every birthday and Christmas and they’ve held up for more than a year with lots of wear.
It’s not the most size-inclusive bra, with the smallest size being 32B and the largest sizes being 42E and 36H, but if you fit in that range and want an incredible, gorgeous bra splurge, this may be your dream.
Hint: Wait until there’s a discontinued color and grab it! Here’s a gorgeous merlot red/purple that’s $40 less than the others.
6. A TikTok explaining the core reason so many marriages are miserable
TikToker Drew Daniels explains the key Gottman concept of fundamental attribution error in relationships — and it has changed the way I think about why relationships fail.
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To build on his example:
Imagine your partner walks into your house and the wind slams the door behind him.
If he’s your boyfriend and you’re super into him, you’ll probably startle and then say “oh my gosh are you OK?” or “What’s wrong, honey?” in a kind voice.
If he’s your husband and you have been together for 7+ years and have kids together, you will probably say “Why did you slam that door!!??”
The exact same thing happened both times. The difference is that you really like your cute new boyfriend — and you really dislike your husband.
Harsh, but true. When you like them, you’ll give them the benefit of the doubt reflexively. When you’re used to being in conflict, you’ll assume the worst.
This difference is at the core of literally every marital problem I can think of, including unequal division of household labor and conflicts over spending. And no matter what sort of great communication techniques you try, no matter how much therapy you’re doing to get past your childhood issues, if you think poorly of your partner, you’re not going to survive that marriage.
You can IMAGO the crap out of each discussion, but if you dislike your partner, all you’re going to get is a better understanding of what the person you dislike was trying to say. Yes, IMAGO and PACT and any other structured therapy and communication models can help you prevent getting to the place where you don’t like your partner — but unless you fix how you feel about them, you won’t get far.
And if your partner has become someone you just don’t like, maybe they’re angry or bitter or unkind or they’ve started drinking a lot, then that problem needs to be solved — and IMAGO or other structured reflexive listening techniques can help you solve that problem by getting to the core of what you’re saying.
But the problem itself isn’t communication — it’s that you just don’t like that person. And they probably don’t like you.
If you practice disliking each other for years upon years, you’ll eventually have to choose between a life of misery or divorce.
From now on when someone asks me what the key to making a marriage last (though I’m the wrong person to ask), I would say keep in mind that you should never allow your marriage to become a place where two people feel like competitors or fighting for resources. The contempt and resentment that builds in those scenarios is literal poison to your happiness.
7. This watch list
My book’s co-author, Christopher Pepper, has a fantastic “what to watch this week” list that I think is one of the best lists I’ve seen of this nature.
Head over to
and see what strikes your fancy. From documentaries to web series to the new adaptation of the Judy Blume novel Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret (which I personally read about 134 times between third and fifth grade), there’s something great.8. This random song I Shazam’d this week
I love this.
I don’t know the story behind it or this artist but it makes me happy.
And that’s it!
I hope you have an incredible week!